I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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