I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
