Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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