I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
