bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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