....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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