Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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