I cannot find my penis.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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