as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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