Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
