You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
She's like a pop up book from hell.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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