All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
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