I like my sex mixed with concussions.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
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