Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
