We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
