I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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