Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
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