You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
