Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Randomize
