My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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