just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
She even gives head with a lisp.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
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