She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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