I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
