i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
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Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
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I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
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