just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
