It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
