Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
