piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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