I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
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