Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
