stop calling my apartment porn island.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
