Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
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The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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