therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
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All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
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She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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