I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Randomize
