I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
