Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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