Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I have post one night stand depression
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
