You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i think i have herpe
just one?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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