I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
the day after is always just damage control
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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