Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
