gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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