the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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