is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
