He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
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