lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize