That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
