making cat noises will not fix the situation.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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