You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
