I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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