i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
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