The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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