the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
