Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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