I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
