he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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