you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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