shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
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so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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