You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
